By Bob Baxter
When Vince Hemingson asked me to write a weekly commentary on the tattoo scene, he mentioned my being the sort of “Vanishing Tattoo website’s Cassandra.” Kind of weird, considering Cassandra is a she and an imaginary Greek one to boot. In Greek, Cassandra translates as “she who entangles men.” I would have preferred “he who entangles good looking babes with lots of money,” but, when working for someone as erudite as Mr. Hemingson, I take what I can get.
I am able to live with the label that has been thrust upon me, because, I think Vince was referring to the part about Cassandra’s ability to foretell the future, you know, talk about where the world is headed, what might be the coming tends, what color suit Thomas Lockhart will wear at next year’s Nationals, that sort of thing. Well, Mr. Hemingson, you have it wrong. Wrong, I tell you. You might enjoy slipping in seemingly literate references to Greek mythology to impress other people, but that doesn’t impress me, no siree. Part of this is due, I am convinced, because Mr. Hemingson, much like his enormous vanishingtattoo.com website, has grown to such legendary proportions in the web world that he is accustomed to talking “big.” In another article in this very E-zine, I stated that Vince’s ego was “as big as Brazil.” This did not sit well with Mr. Hemingson. In fact, when he read my comment comparing him to the world’s fifth largest country in land mass, he immediately emailed me that he was offended and hurt that I had only placed his ego in fifth place and that he “hoped to do better.” Well, to my way of thinking, that kind of audacity immediately kicks Hemingson up one notch on the list, to the number four spot: The United States of America.
That might placate most people, but, since Hemingson is a died-in-the-wool Canadian (he calls Vancouver his home), being tagged with anything “Made in the USA” would rankle him even more. Tough titty. But then, in order to avoid his wrath (after all, he is my boss on this site), I will gladly move the size of his ego up yet another notch. Guess what? China. Well, that won’t due, if for no other reason than Vice wouldn’t look good in the clothes.
Okay, second, then. Good old Canada. That ought to please Vince no end to have his country and his ego described similarly. Hey, that’s a whale of a lot better than equating him to Kazakhstan (number nine) or Argentina (eight). Again, it’s all about clothes. Vince would look ridiculous in those jodhpurs stuffed into knee-high boots that those gauchos wear and Kazakhstan (wherever that is) is the planet’s largest landlocked country, an attribute that would be of no value to a world traveler of the caliber and sheer wanderlust of Mr. H. So, Canada it is. Hemingson’s ego is the size of Canada. I hope that makes him feel better. By the way, numero uno is Mother Russia, but I don’t think that even Vince wants to mess around with those guys.
But before Vince can start broadcasting from the rooftops about his new claim to fame, I might remind him that, yes, Cassandra was granted the gift of prophecy by Apollo, although, it is considered by people who study that kind of thing, to be a misinterpretation. The real skinny is that, in Greek mythology, Apollo’s gift was more about the ability to understand the languages of animals, rather than the ability to know the future. Maybe the fact that Apollo had Cassandra spend a night in her temple, at which time the temple snakes licked her ears clean, so that she was able to hear the future—maybe that’s the clincher. If anyone, I mean anyone, licked my ears, I’d howl like a coyote.
Hey, I’ll do a lot of things, but if Hemingson makes me stick snakes in my ears, I’m calling it quits.
—BobBaxter
As editor in chief of Skin&Ink magazine for over fourteen years, Bob Baxter guided the publication to a Folio Magazine Editorial Excellence Award, making it America’s most respected and educational body art publication. He currently edits and writes a Daily Blog at www.tattooroadtrip.com, the ultimate E-zine and resource site for international tattoo artists and collectors. To ask questions, make comments or demand an apology, you can email Bob at baxter@tattooroadtrip.com.
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